Wanting peace…

Sometimes I just don’t want to get out of bed. 

 

The heavy blankets cover me like a protective cocoon. 

 

I think about how I relish sleep and how I don’t want to get out of it. I wonder if this is how ‘peaceful’ death feels like. 

 

Sometimes I think about death and more as I get older. When I thought of death when I was younger like in high school it terrified me. I couldn’t believe once I died there wouldn’t be me. I will not exist! Yes, there could be a higher power and who knows what roads there will be once I leave earth but that is when I leave earth! 

 

I am not suicidal but sometimes I can imagine the peace it may bring especially with all the commotion with the world and just the rat race that a lot of us live in. 

 

We go to work, eat, sleep and repeat and the times just fly by with a blink of an eye. 

 

I realize life is precious and how mindfulness and taking everything at the moment is so important and precious. 

 

Every day I am trying to find if what I am doing right and what I love. 

 

I do enjoy my work but it is from 9 to 5 and I have similar routines every day every week and every month. 

 

I did not say every year because I want to change up my routine next year and add something different to my life. I hear and read people suddenly get up, quit their job and do something totally different. I am inkling to do that but I am also scared of what ifs. Negativity. Darkness. Fearful. Loser. 

 

Oh, those damn old habits. We are humans of comforts aren’t we but I want to shuffle that a bit. 

 

Whatever you feel stuck on you can change something. Just try little by a little bit. I know I will constantly try or at least be aware of it. 

 

Again, I am not condoning suicides and life is precious. There was a quote from the movie “Wrinkle in Time” that made me think about how special and unique we all are.  

 

Mrs Which: [ to Meg]“Do you realize how many events, choices, that had to occur since the birth of the universe leading up to the making of you?  Just exactly the way you are.”

 

https://www.awortheyread.com/wrinkle-in-time-quotes/

 

Thank you for reading my rambles and hope you have a great day. 

 

If you know anyone who is thinking of suicide, please contact 1833-456-4566 or text at 45645 between 4pm -12am ET in Canada.

 

Until then

 

 

Minimalist Min(nie)

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I Just Want to Give up…

I just want to give up…

I haven’t blogged for 3 months!!! Well I was taking a class so I had to concentrate most of my time and energy for that but I don’t want this to be an excuse!!! Because I plan to take more courses and I want to continue to blog and You Tube etc..

Sometimes I feel like I am such a failure and I suck and I should just give up!!!

But why aren’t I???

There is something about blogging that I just can’t give up…

…and that is connection.

I long to connect and not just any connection but REAL connection. What is real? I don’t know how to explain but I feel it in my bones, my heart and my everything…

I think that’s why I continue to blog because I want to find other people that is going through something similar as me.

Mind you, I have friends, partner, family and even our pet, Kyuuko!

But connection just doesn’t stop there..I am yearning to learn from others and to provide service to others.

One obstacle to this journey is that I am an INTROVERT!!! I get overwhelmed with too many likes (even 5 likes overwhelm me), too many people, too much everything!

Oh and I am also not organized and not disciplined…so all the formula add to NOTHING!!

I am feeling like…

I do not know enough

I am not passionate enough

I am scared what others will think of me

I do not know how I will react with confrontations or bullies (or cyber bullying)

I am not good enough

I am not pretty enough

I am not young enough

I am not mature enough

I do not have time

etc…

One thing I do know is I want to continue to learn, and to meet people who inspire me and whom I can connect with…I YEARN FOR CONNECTION!!!

But…

I don’t like forcing myself…because I don’t think it’s authentic enough….weird, I know…

I am stuck now but I will come up with something.

Thanks for reading as always…

Until then,

Minimalist Min(ie)

 

 

 

 

My Take on Consuming Less…

I’ve decided to consume less. It started back in December of 2017 that I started listening to podcasts and meditation and I am not sure if it was the culmination of all of that but I decided to start to consume less.

 

I’ve also stopped eating meat and dairy products. The reasons were for health, environment and animal issues. This process lasted for 6 months and it was a profound experience. In the beginning, I felt lethargic and had no energy because I was eating a lot of carbs so I did not necessarily felt at best. However, it did make me notice how much meat products that were snuck in all sorts of processed products.

 

Now, I do eat meat and dairy products here and there but definitely less than before. I now try to eat meat-less options whenever I can and the reason why I started eating meat and dairy products were because I just did not want to restrict myself. For myself, restriction comes back with a vengeance so I did not want it to consume me. I wanted to remind myself that I can be in control and to be mindful when I am consuming certain types of food.

 

For consuming less, I’ve started with buying fewer clothes. When ‘Haul Videos” came out on YouTube, I was fascinated. I’ve been curious about how others lived so when haul videos came out I was blown over! So mesmerized that I went ahead to make my own haul videos.

 

I could not afford much so I was only able to buy clothes from fast fashion retailers. The videos did not gain much attraction, but I had fun doing it. I did that for two years and my wallet started to ache. Even though the individual clothes were priced relatively cheap, the final amount was not. I would spend hundreds of dollars per month on clothes and accessories -all in the name of making haul videos.

 

I realized my wallet was hurting and my closet was bursting with clothes that I did not care much about. Again in December of 2017, I completely stopped buying clothes for 5 months and I felt free and more in control of my life. I’ve started reading books such as Power of less, Slow Living and The Minimalist Home by bloggers and authors that promoted minimalism living. I wanted to devoid of physical and mental clutter and to live simply as possible.

 

I caved when I went to Portland with my family for a weekend trip which has sort of been a tradition where we would check out the restaurants, and shop at the outlet malls during the May long weekend. However, when I went to outlet malls this time where all the window displays screamed SALES, I was much more mindful of what I was buying and I only ended up buying a couple of gym wear clothing.

 

Because of this whole consuming less experience, I am much more appreciative of what I already have and tend to have more joy which reminds me of the author Marie Kondo. I am finally understanding what she meant to keep what makes you have joy and happiness and I am thankful for this experience.

 

I also want to point out that I adopted this approach because I’ve experienced having too much stuff and feeling suffocated and unfulfillment with all the materials I had. I acknowledge that I am at a privileged state where I had the option to buy more or less.

 

I think too much of anything does not work for me. I can only do what works for me which is not to go into one extreme end. With minimalism, I can only take what works for me and nothing else.

 

Have you tried different types of lifestyle approach and found something that clicked with you? Please share and leave a comment down below.

 

Thank you for reading!

 

Until then,

 

 

Minimalist Min(ie)

 

Photo by Narain Jashanmal on Unsplash

3 Reasons Why I Will Never Be a Famous Blogger

  1. In general, I despise social media. I cannot keep up with the current trends, and I do not have the time to scroll and like all of their pages even though I may want to. When people like my pages I actually want to go to everyone’s pages and check them out; however, that tires and overwhelms me. I do not get a ton of likes but even checking out five people stresses me out. I have not used Facebook for almost 10 years!! I realized on average I would spend four hours a day just scrolling meaningless pages of people I hardly cared or talked to!! I still have an account in case I need to connect with someone but I have not so far. For Instagram, I only post pictures while travelling and for Twitter, I only check once in a while but even then. And what is Snapchat? 

2. I hate waiting in lines when checking out ‘it’ places. For example, restaurants or just opened restaurants or ‘it’ places for that matter, I think lining up is a huge waste of time and frankly I do not freaken care. I admit I do not have a sophisticated taste when it comes to food so for me it can be a waste of money and time. Also, I have a poor memory so I honestly do not remember how the food tasted like unless they were exceptional? 😦

3. Not consistent in my writing game. I write when I ‘feel’ like it or ‘inspired’ by it or ‘motivated’. Yup. This means I NEVER write! The fact that I am writing now amazes me.

 

I do want to end this post with a positive note. My goal is not to be famous but to connect with people who think similar thoughts but also who are not like me! I do not want to surround myself who only thinks like me because I want to understand how other people think and also to be critical of the issues that surround me. 

I do want to continue to write and to hone my craft so I will continue to read and to write and to share my thoughts with others.

 

If you are a famous blogger, how do you feel different compared to when you were less famous? If you are a less famous blogger, how are you stepping up on your blogging?

 

Thank you for reading!

 

Until then,

Minimalist Min(ie)

 

 

 

Photo by Anthony Tran on Unsplash

10 Unrelated thoughts on Adulting . . .

Photo by Joshua Ness on Unsplash

My next big milestone is 40. YIKES!!

That number seems huge because I am halfway to 80. When you are 40 that is no joke.

I still feel like a little kid…well, not a kid but I still feel like a teenager with a pubescent zit on my forehead.

Even in my early 30’s, I did not feel too different from my 20’s and I thought I was still hip and cool. Uh….just letting you know, if someone says they are hip and cool, they are probably not.

Here are some of the random thoughts I’ve experienced as I am adulting.

1. Preference in colors on cars

I used to despise muted colors such as beige, or silver but I now appreciate the subtly and simpleness of the color. Also, it is harder to notice scratches on these muted colored cars so that is always a big bonus. I really wanted to give green cars a chance…but I just couldn’t ><

2. Appreciation of beauty

I don’t side-eye beautiful women anymore. I used to feel subconscious and I would compare myself to them and felt like crap afterward. Now I appreciate their beauty such as their fashion choice or makeup styles and admire how great they look. I see them as comrades rather than competitors (even though some competition can be healthy!)

3. I see my future children

When I see young people (anyone who looks younger than me) who seem friendly and nice, I pray that my future children will turn out to be like them (is that a bit freaky?)

4. Nightlife change

I finally appreciate staying home on WEEKENDS!! In my 20’s, whenever I stayed home during weekends, I thought I was a total loser and how I had no friends, but now, I embrace and look forward to a nice, cozy evening with a book or Netflix.

5. Preference for different types of books or articles

Instead of looking at articles on how to look dashing, or how to meet guys, I now gravitate towards self-help books or how to be healthy. Actually following these tips will be for another time.

6. I actually appreciate Olds Mobile car and its color and design and how it is considered rare! They were everywhere in the 90’s but I hardly see them!

7. Self-confidence

I still have self-confidence issues but I am wayyyyy better than before compared to my 20s. Let’s just say it was somewhere in the bottom. I had no direction and felt constantly lost. This is something I am still working on but at least I am aware of it and strive to work harder at it.

8. Appreciate planning and goals

Again, this is something I am still working on it but I appreciate planning and goals. I never planned and never made goals in the past because I liked being “free” and did not like living like I was trapped. But I now realize planning and making goals doesn’t make me feel that way but it actually frees me up to do more things. I still suck at planning and making goals but again I am aware of my troubles and working towards it.

9. I value sleep.

When I was in my teens and 20s I thought to sleep was a waste of time and I wondered how I could have advanced working while everybody was sleeping. Now I value sleep more than anything else. I think I value sleeping more than eating which is pretty huge for me. Sleep nourishes my mind and mental state and it helps me to flush out issues that were clogging and have accumulated in my brain (it is 1 am at the moment…SLEEP!!!)

10. When I go to restaurants and when I see certain types of dishes I think to myself ‘oh, I bet I can make that and it will be so much cheaper. Now how to make this sauce?’

Bonus thought: Deteriorating health (duh).  I realize wounds that I incur on my body are healing noticeably slower!! The mosquito bites, pimple scars, and even skin conditions are taking twice or even three times longer to heal and for them to disappear. They are now part of my accessories on my body permanently. And the pain that I have never experienced before. Aches here and there are popping all over my body and I wonder if my body is going to disintegrate soon.  

All of these transitions are interesting and scary at the same time. In one sense I am intrigued at these changes and in some sense I think, damn, I am getting close to death (oh, the morbidity).

I wanted to write this post to mark these transitions and changes that have been occurring in my life.

Oooh…by the way, despite this seemingly negative (?) post, let’s all think happy thoughts! Meditate, oooohmm…..

Please comment and share if you are going through transitions in your lives! Whether it be physically, mentally, emotionally (I am not a therapist), spiritually etc….I would love to hear from you!

P. S: I already broke my 2018 goal. I said I would post at least once per month and I missed July’s, August and September (booo). I am taking a course now and it has taken all of my writing time. Now, all I can think about is my course. Ahhhhhh!

Anyways as always thanks for reading!

Until then,



Minimalist Min(ie)

 

 

Anyone Scared of Having Babies Out There?

Photo by Manuel Schinner on Unsplash

 

I am in my 30’s and I just hit another birthday and it made me think of my biological clock. Oh, that darn biological clock where I can’t just kick it to the curb.

 

No matter how young I feel or look at times (thank you to various filters), I can’t ignore the fact that my biological clock is ticking.

 

I am at a point where most of my friends who are my age have a kid or two. Not even a baby but a freaken toddler.

 

When I hang out with my mom friends, I smile and nod and ask questions that might help me in the future (even though I will probably forget most of them).

 

I’ve always liked toddlers because they are cute and they are not mine, so they are fun to play with. I’ve rarely thought about having my own kids in the past and even now it is on and off thing. I am sort of waiting for that ‘moment’ when my maternal instinct will kick in and kick my uterus yelling I WANT A BABY HERE!!

 

Those feelings come and goes and they occur more often than before so perhaps that might be seen as a sign. The word might. I am still not totally convinced yet that I still want a baby.

 

My mom friends tell me that I might never be ‘ready’ but that my maternal instinct will kick in once I have a baby. But what if I don’t?

 

Another reason why I am scared of having a baby is that I don’t feel stable in my career. I mean I now have a full-time job and I like it but the pay is not great. So I am thinking of going back to school to do some upgrading on my education; however, that takes time and money.

 

There are also other things I want to pursue such as writing more (I am failing miserably in even producing two posts in a month) and making videos (nonexistent).

 

Because I am not pursuing these things, I feel like the baby plan has to wait until I figure out my life where it took an unexpected path where there are only unknowns, questionable, and doubts. I mean I guess that is part of life and that is the reason why I am even writing this post.

 

These posts are kind of like online journals where I pour my feelings out and hopefully, I will find some clarity while writing them. It is not clarifying at the moment!!

 

I will continue to live on and imagine one day what will it be like having a baby until it’s too late. Yikes!!

 

I don’t even know how to end this post.

Lost

In

Baby

Thoughts.

 

Do you have any advice or tips on what to do with all these ruminating thoughts?

 

Seriously.

 

Thanks for reading up until this point.

 

Until next time,

 

 

Minimalist Min(ie)

Dear Eyeliner Fanatics,

 

 

I am calling out for all eyeliner fanatics because I’ve done something I’ve never done before. First of all, this is beauty related post so it won’t be something grande like climbing Mountain Everest hence the title.

I’ve always worn eyeliners my whole life since the age of 16 and yeah… it’s been a couple of decades since then but I wanted to stress how big this was for me.

Not a huge difference but mind you back in the days I put on more eyeliner when I was younger. As the years passed by, my eyeliner game became softer and lighter.

I am reflecting on it and I realize this process did not occur in one night. In the past, I slowly dabbled with no eyeliner when I went out to do errands such as going to grocery stores nearby or going to a dentist etc. Soon I went to the gym in the morning barefaced and I don’t know about you but going to a certain type of gym and going at either am or pm makes a difference (is anybody on this with me?) Nowadays, I sometimes go barefaced going to the gym at any time! My skin can breathe while sweatin Y’all!

Anyways this time, I did not put any eyeliner when I went to work for a whole week!!

 

 

(Left: Eyeliner on / Right: Eyeliner off)

Work was someplace I always had my eyeliner on. No matter the circumstances, I always drew them. Even though I was late, I always managed to wear makeup in the washroom and people would stare but I didn’t give an F. I needed my eyeliner…and everything else.

 

When I adopted the no eyeliner look, I felt so barefaced in the beginning, but when I got used to it, I actually felt free! Mind you, I did wear eyeshadows but that is not the point here!!

 

 

I felt like I was free from eyeliner cuffs. I always thought I had to have eyeliner to look “awake” but then again I can look awake by just opening up my eyes wider and maybe a cup of coffee!!!

 

I also felt more confident in telling myself I don’t need eyeliner as part of my look but something that enhances the look.

 

Plus having no eyeliner created a different type of look that I did not have before.

 

I now remind myself I have the option to wear eyeliner or not and if I am really crunched on time I don’t have to be hesitant about going out without my eyeliners.

 

This post might not be much of a deal to some of you but eyeliners were part of my face for 20 years so, yeah, this is a big deal for me.

 

I challenge all the eyeliner fanatics to go out one day or even longer without eyeliners and let me know how that made you feel!

 

Anyways thanks for reading!

 

 

Until then

Minimalist Min(nie)