Self-Awareness

In my 20s I have not been very much self-aware with anything let alone my life. If I felt any feelings of discomfort, I tried to escape them by distracting myself by mostly watching TV non-stop. During the early 2000s, reality TV was just rearing its ugly head and it took me by storm. I naively thought it was all real and watched them in disbelief that I get a glimpse into how these people lived their lives that were very different from mine which was quite intoxicating. 

Now looking back, I think I was addicted to watching TV because I wanted to be a pop-culture literate. I was that person that didn’t watch too much TV during high school years and always felt left out when others talked about what was hot on MTV or Much Music or TV shows that were popular at that time. 

The actual reason why I didn’t watch TV was that I actually had difficulty understanding English from shows and movies but I couldn’t let anybody know the real reason. 

I immigrated to Canada when I was 10 and while I was learning how to speak English (barely because I was so shy), I had a harder time understanding and hearing the language.

I admit that I sometimes still have difficulty understanding English and I constantly ask people to clarify what they said or meant. I think I have some sort of issues with my short attention span and that I secretly think I have a mild form of ADHD because I get way too easily distracted. So distracted that I refuse to download apps that stop people from distracting. I can’t do this because I think I will jump through the window or smash my phone to pieces because of not being able to concentrate. 

When I was about to graduate high school during the early 2000s, that was the time when I was able to understand some English and to read captions (I still turn on captions when watching shows and movies especially when people have accents). Afterward, I was able to understand English more than before, and that totally changed my life and shall I say I became addicted to watching TV for the next decade! I could FINALLY understand why people talked non stop about their favorite shows, scenes, and actors!

During this time while I was going to school, I never read a book other than textbooks (barely) and instead of trudging and figuring out the study materials, I turned to my best friend, TV, which provided me with feelings of comfort. These were the when there was no Netflix, TVO..(wha?)..and just shows with COMMERCIALS INCLUDED!!! 

Why am I talking about this now? 

I feel like I’ve been trying to catch up for the old times and feel stuck having these negative projections to myself constantly. I criticize, blame, shame, judge, and label how much I have issues with every part of my life such as my communication level, smart level, physical looks, and everything else that I can imagine!

I don’t like feeling this way so that is why I am putting on my self-awareness hat and trying to figure this shit now. 

So that’s why at this time, I am trying to do everything that I can to avoid feelings of guilt and shame. I am feeling quite stressed and because of this guilt and pressure that I put upon myself, I feel like nothing ever that I do is enough. 

I feel slightly better now compared to being in my 20’s due to having slightly more confidence, self-esteem, and self-worth and more not caring about how others think about me. 

I read somewhere that emotions last for 90 seconds and that we just need to ride them out and whatever that you are feeling will go away whether they are happy or sad. Whenever I feel sad I remind myself that this, too, will go away soon and the important reminder is to feel them even though it can be excruciating. Whatever I am feeling is telling me what is going on with my mind and my body. 

Anyways these were just my thoughts on self-awareness that I wanted to share with you all! I think having self-awareness is such a wonderful gift to have and more I practice more I will have. I work in the social services field where I have to be self-aware to work with myself but with the people that I work with and it really is a gift even though they can be excruciating.

How are you dealing with self-awareness? Does it come naturally to you? Please leave a comment down below if you want.

Thank you for reading as always!

Until then, 

Minimalist Min(nie)

Photo by Tim Goedhart on Unsplash

Happy COVID era…

Happy COVID Era! 

I am someone who lives with constant anxieties questioning my self-confidence and self-worth. 

Even then,  I am also constantly working and trying to find ways to make me feel less like shit. 

Because of this COVID, it has impacted how I lived my day to day life. It was difficult at first but I am trying to find ways to make myself reflect on certain areas. 

I constantly mention my procrastination and messiness.. Well, that’s because I am constantly struggling with them every day. These days I have been binge-watching YouTube videos and actually found some that have been healing and inspirational. 

I would like to share one of them and the channel is called Lilac Namu which showcases how she lives her simple minimalist life. When I watch her videos, they make me feel calm and inspired me to be organized. 

There are so many other YouTube channels that I’ve been watching but because of this channel, it inspired me to re-start my own YouTube channel Minimalist Min. I just filmed how I am spending my weekend during COVID 19 and if anyone of you guys is bored or like to rip other people, please watch it and that would be super appreciated! 

I have been always scared to put myself out there because I thought I wasn’t good enough but I want to change that mindset. I may not be as great as other awesome Youtubers out there but I can still start somewhere and to work my way through to get there. 

There are so many great people with lots of information and resources that are inspiring me to get off my ass to do something and that motivates me to share with others, especially those who feel like crap and shit often.  

I still have so much to go and I can’t wait to try them all…but I feel so excited that I can feel my heart pound. 

Are you involved in any activities that make you feel excited that you can hear your heart pound? Please share!

Thanks for reading as always.

Stay safe!

Minimalist (Min)ie

Photo by Edwin Hooper on Unsplash

Hello and Thank you Strangers

First of all, I want to let all the people that read, like and comment on my page a huge thank you! I started blogging because I wanted to improve on my writing and to better articulate expressing my thoughts into words. I’ve been always that person in class or in meetings who were shy to speak up and stayed silent because I did not want to make mistakes and to sound dumb. I just dread having any attention on me except when dancing but that’s another post for another day. 

I just want to say thank you again and I try hard to go back to all your pages and to read and to like and I am sorry if I don’t do it fast enough. I used to have anxieties and still do with trying to check out people’s blogs that came to my page trying to show them support. However, that was becoming overwhelming for me to check out everybody’s blogs who came to my page to like and to comment on their pages. This insurmountable pressure that I put on myself made me want to blog less even though the pressure came from me and nobody else. I am not saying I have a lot of people coming to say hello but I barely had time to write on my blog so anything out of that, I felt pressured. I also made mad promises to myself to publish a blog post once a week and I felt pressured and I couldn’t do it.

Now, I try to write whenever I can and I am just doing it. The real reason why I decided to write today was to ask myself how much information can I or should I divulge to make myself unique and to be ‘real’ and I thought real hard about it. Funny enough, I am working in an industry where boundaries are quite important and we are to use caution to share our personal details of our lives in case our clients drop by our pages and see another side of ourselves and well..here I am….sharing my inner thoughts with the internet. 

I know we live in an age where everybody is screaming to put their online presence out there and to show them we have our own brand and that we merely exist in this world. We just want to be acknowledged, to be understood, to be heard and to be seen. 

So I am saying HELLO to you and THANK YOU for checking and reading my page even though I might not come to your page and like and comment on it…at least not right away, 

Until next time,

Minimalist Min(ie)

Photo by Tim Mossholder on Unsplash

Habits

So I keep going on and on about being productive and the first book that I will talk about is called ATOMIC HABITS by James Clear. The book is pretty on point and there are summaries in each chapter with easy charts for you to follow on making good habits and breaking bad habits. 

I don’t know about you but I have plenty of bad habits that I would like to kick off the curb and it’s good to hear that it’s not my motivations that are faltering. Maybe a little bit of that but it mostly comes down to having automatic habits and external environments that perpetuate those bad habits. 

Today is Saturday and I kept my words as I tried to productive until 5 pm pretending like I am at work. Past Saturdays, I would go to the gym in the morning, come back home, eat, watch some shows, take a nap, wake up, have dinner and sleep and repeat for the next day. For some, that may sound like bliss but imagine doing that for 10+years. I often felt a twinge of guilt at night criticizing myself right before I went to bed so to shake these feelings off, this is what I thought of last weekend to be “productive” until 5 pm and I kept my promise today! Tomorrow I am attending an event for the whole day so I will continue on with my lessons after that. Learning and growing are what I get excited about so this is how I will try to continue. 

From the book, James talks about the two-minute rule where you minimize the task of the habit you want to keep down to two-minutes. Two minutes is quite short so this is supposed to motivate people to continue their good habit routine.  He says the important thing is the quantity of doing the habits (number of times doing it) and not the quality (length of time). I’ve just done my two-minutes so I am going to get ready to go bed due to waking up early in the morning.

Thanks for reading!

Until then

Minimalist Min(ie)

Photo by My Life Journal on Unsplash

Realizations can be a beeyatch and a bliss

Hi everyone,

It’s already February and I haven’t written much. I have been going through a lot and it’s mostly relationship issues. I do not want to focus on that too much but because of that experience it really woke me up to harsh reality. I feel like I’ve been a hermit for the last 5 years. During those times I was not particularly feeling excited to connect with friends and family, meeting new people and I just stuck to my everyday routine which was going to work, going to the gym, and watching TV and on it went. 

When I reflected back on my life this year, I realized I’ve missed out so much by not meeting new people and preserving my friendships all these years. Relationships are something that you cannot just leave them as is. You have to cultivate, put water,  love, and effort to make it bloom and grow. When I looked back in my life, I realized how alone I felt and did not have much to show. My poor friends thankfully stuck around with me but I know our relationships could have been way better had I put more effort into them.

This year I really want to push myself out there and try all the things I was too scared doing in the past. I love reading but I know I want to write more so I will write more. I want to have great relationships so I will go out to events to meet new people and to make time to see my current friends. I really admire other writers and bloggers when they don’t just write when they feel “motivated”. They write because they are writers and that is what they do. There are good days and bad days and nevermind that, they just WRITE!!

I started to read because I wanted to write better but now I got stuck on just reading and not really writing. That’s not a bad thing per se but due to constantly reading, I would rather read than writing but I know writing was the ultimate goal I wanted to achieve. I ask others how to become a writer and they say reading but writing is where you improve your skills.

The reason I wanted to write was actually to be a better communicator. I wanted to learn how to better articulate myself in expressing my thoughts to others. I feel like I’ve been silenced my whole life and there are systemic systems that made me feel worthless, to have low self-confidence but no more! I want to break that mold that is pushed against me and that is why I want to write. Of course, speaking is part of being a good communicator but I feel like when you are a good writer, you are also good at speaking (not necessarily public speaking).

I just had this realization. I wrote about how I wanted to be more productive with my everyday life especially on weekends and realized I actually do not know how to organize them during the day time. During weekdays my days are pretty much set. Wake up, get ready, go to work and then hit the gym. Now, I go to the gym four times a week so other days are when I wind down by having food and watching some shows (Schitt’s Creek, anyone?!). When I have extra time, I want to learn new skills and right now I am trying to learn HTML and Salesforce. I try to do all of these activities and usually I run out of time especially during the day times. Because I have these set schedules for five days when the weekends roll around I am completely lost! I try to go to the gym in the morning on the weekends and that’s great but afterward I kind of lounge around and watch TV for hours and I mean 4+ hours! I mean I guess that’s what weekends are all about but I don’t feel relaxed unless I do something productive which is writing, learning new skills, reading, journaling, etc. 

I had such a fixed week that I felt completely lost during weekends. I am just realizing this as I am writing this at 11 pm and I was just asking myself where did all the time go? I did not even get the chance to do HTML!! I wondered why the heck am I trying to do all this stuff at this time and I realized this is the time when I try to do these things during weekdays. I feel completely lost during weekends (especially day times) because I am used to being at work from 8:30 to 5! 

I want to treat my weekends like I am at work but instead doing stuff I need to do such as cleaning or learning new skills. I want to be productive until 5 pm and then enjoy the rest of the evening without feeling guilty!!!!! This is what I am going to try to figure it out on how to plan my productive weekend! 

Anyways just a random realization. I will keep you all posted but mostly myself. 

I hope you are all having a great year so far. 

Thank you for reading!

Until next time, 

Minimalist Min(nie)

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

Procrastination Project: FAIL

So this is a lie…as in not week 2! It’s been more than 3 months and I haven’t changed much at least within this procrastination project journey. I read other inspirational blogs and books and they all seem to get over their procrastination or have gone through some sort of enlightenment phase but I really cannot seem to shake that off. I mean it has been a really really slow process. 

This is the third month and I have not written every day nor worked on my procrastination. This is the first time I am writing this week. 

I am taking a course and now my mind has diverted into something else. I have also started to pack because we are also in the midst of moving! So yeah…lots of things. Actually pretty major life changes. I just started a new job, moved to a new house and taking a class….so yeah I am going to give myself a break. I am also thinking of having a baby! Well…they are just thoughts…have been just stuck in thought mode for a while. 

I am aware though…of all my inactions on my writing that is…but I realized I am not aware at all times. There are times where I put my mind in an automatic mode. No, not that ‘flow’ but into an aimless, mind-numbing screen time such as reading webtoon or watching Youtube on my phone. 

I know I have to change my patterns and my habits to something else that is more productive but it is very hard..well at least for me. I am thankful that my co-worker is helping me out with this process. I need all the help I can get. I need structure and accountability. I need to create new habits. I read the book 5 AM Club by Robyn Sharma and he said if you want to change habits successfully, it has to take at least 66 days. 

It’s hard…I have to change my mindset…and to do so I have to be mindfully aware. 

I am trying to at least write 5 minutes every day. I hope I get to finish this post and publish it soon! 

There are no solutions at the moment but one thing I can do is to keep going. I will not give up. 

Come join the journey and share if you have been going through your procrastination demons! I would love to hear about your journey and what worked and didn’t work for you.

Thank you for reading!

Until then,


Minimalist Min(ie)

Procrastination Project: Week 1

It has been a couple of weeks since I’ve been tracking my hours. This month has not been easy as I’ve endured minor concussion and had the flu in consecutive weeks. This may sound like excuses but my body was burnt out and I could not think much else. Mind you, I still managed to get stuck in the YouTube hole and watched Netflix for the whole day I was sick reminding myself that I was ‘resting’. However, after binging on the screen for a whole day, I realized I felt like CRAP the next day. I did not feel rested at all and my head actually felt cloudy if that makes any sense.

Anyways working on my motivation and procrastination hasn’t been a good start but the good thing is that I did not totally give up! Hey, I will take small wins anytime, any day!

This is my first week of tracking my hours and I realized I am quite busy during the weekdays and underestimate how much time I spend on each activity. I go to work and go to the gym and thought nothing of it but going to the gym actually took a long time. I work out for two hours twice a week so me believing that I had time to do other things afterward was me being overly ambitious. No wonder I could not find the energy afterward and I blamed myself for lack of motivation and ambitions. My body’s energy was depleted to the core and all I wanted was to eat and rest! BUT accepting this sort of lifestyle would be way too easy. I still want to push myself like right now! 

I will see how I do.

Please let me know if you are going something similar and if you overcome procrastination!

Thank you for reading!

Until then


Minimalist Min(ie)

Photo by Karim MANJRA on Unsplash