I am in my 30’s and I just hit another birthday and it made me think of my biological clock. Oh, that darn biological clock where I can’t just kick it to the curb.
No matter how young I feel or look at times (thank you to various filters), I can’t ignore the fact that my biological clock is ticking.
I am at a point where most of my friends who are my age have a kid or two. Not even a baby but a freaken toddler.
When I hang out with my mom friends, I smile and nod and ask questions that might help me in the future (even though I will probably forget most of them).
I’ve always liked toddlers because they are cute and they are not mine, so they are fun to play with. I’ve rarely thought about having my own kids in the past and even now it is on and off thing. I am sort of waiting for that ‘moment’ when my maternal instinct will kick in and kick my uterus yelling I WANT A BABY HERE!!
Those feelings come and goes and they occur more often than before so perhaps that might be seen as a sign. The word might. I am still not totally convinced yet that I still want a baby.
My mom friends tell me that I might never be ‘ready’ but that my maternal instinct will kick in once I have a baby. But what if I don’t?
Another reason why I am scared of having a baby is that I don’t feel stable in my career. I mean I now have a full-time job and I like it but the pay is not great. So I am thinking of going back to school to do some upgrading on my education; however, that takes time and money.
There are also other things I want to pursue such as writing more (I am failing miserably in even producing two posts in a month) and making videos (nonexistent).
Because I am not pursuing these things, I feel like the baby plan has to wait until I figure out my life where it took an unexpected path where there are only unknowns, questionable, and doubts. I mean I guess that is part of life and that is the reason why I am even writing this post.
These posts are kind of like online journals where I pour my feelings out and hopefully, I will find some clarity while writing them. It is not clarifying at the moment!!
I will continue to live on and imagine one day what will it be like having a baby until it’s too late. Yikes!!
I don’t even know how to end this post.
Do you have any advice or tips on what to do with all these ruminating thoughts?
Thanks for reading up until this point.
Until next time,